Night guys!

I've been staring at this like half an hour and thinking what I'm going to write. It's 4 a.m and my sleeping rythm is little bit wrong...pff...
But yeah, I was planning to go to my brothers Yesterday/Day before Yesterday....you know, over the last night...And yes I was there, about 3 minutes and I came back to home, I just felt I was not so welcome to be there, my brother was okay with me but one other person wasn't....So my brother took me back home, I didn't talk anything, either did he...I haven't talk to him after we left and I know I should because I think he thinks that it was his fault I left....I will go there on Saturday because my parents are going and we will (they will) eat my birthday cake and stuff...Ugh, I don't want to.

Then...My Instagram is fucking with me and it's so annoying...I need new telephone because I think it's my phone which is fucking with me actually...
Then I was thinking if I should make new video again someday and start making them more, it would be good practise to me and it would be fun...
I dyed my hair Today again and my sidecut is almost white now, heh.

I will stay up all night I think and try to stay awake next day and go early to sleep then. (I don't think it's going to happen btw)  I will just update my DeviantArt and Tumblr and watch youtube videos and some netflix I think....So bye now then I think, heh.

Picture from last night...I wasn't happy

Sick, sick and sick

Hi! So I've been sick from the day I was at my sisters girlfriends house, remember when I told? So it's couple of week already and damn, I thought I was getting better but no....this sucks. I was supposed to go to my brothers house Yesterday but we both are sick. Now I'm just sitting in my bed (like always) watching The Walking Dead (like always) and thinking about stupid thing (LIKE ALWAYS)....I posted post about my gender problems to Tumblr, it's short post but anywaysgays....And now my head is just going to explode about those things like genderfluid things and agender and pangender and everything...I can't stand myself right now because I have known for a long time  that I'm something like genderfluid/pangender/agender but god help me I'm so confused and mixed-up... And then that only person I can talk about this and who really knows my thought and problems is my bestfriend, like if I tried to talk to my family memebers they wouldn't understand/ laughed at me/ wouldn't accept me/ wouldn't believe me 'cause they would say I'm just seeking attention, so yeah, FUCKING nice....

Maybe I just leave this here...maybe I'll talk about this thing little bit more later but I can't stand this right now....I'm so fucking oweijoiwehfoiihwegh.....Yeah, byee...

Heyy

So, I just to came post pictures of my new hair!

I'm alone at home so I'm just listening music very loud and keeping Foreveralone-parites! So yeah, here comes those pictures!

Hair and nothing

Hi guys! One day, I actually tried to post text when I was jogging and I paused to sit by the bridge, BUT my lovely phone is shit and doesn't want to publish them.

But yeah, i dyed my hair and cutted it again so yay, there is something new and I've just very bad picture of them but I'll take better picture Tommorow, I'm going to Jyväskylä with my mother because there is Match show.

Oh, and btw, I did DeviantArt! Yay!
http://mamewww.deviantart.com/

And what else then...I don't know, I woke up Today at 3 p.m because I went to sleep something like 5-6 a.m...eh, but yeah...

(oh...and Yesterday I watched Hollow Crowm ep. 2 and DIED because of Hiddleston!)

Too much time, but not time at all...

 Hey again, it's been a while. I have been thinking many times like 'I should write something to my blog..' but yeah, it's always have been just thought but NOW, finally I will write something. So ugh, I don't even remember what have been happening after my last post...but I went to Särkänniemi (amusement park at Tampere) with my sister and her girlfriend, it was fun, but I had whole time that feeling I will throw up, but I didn't and I'm so glad, heh. but after 3-4 hours I started to get bit anguished so we went to shop some stuff (or my sister shopped) and then we went Näsinneula (high torn)  and after that we went to dolphinarium, when we got there my anguish was grown much higher and I have to admit, I maybe cried a little bit there...but I'm glad we sat there where wasn't much people so no one noticed. Then we left the whole park..(after bying some candy, heh)

Both car trips were awesome, we listened the music (loud) and laughed and eveyrthing. And I started new hobby, geocaching, but I think I won't do it alone...because I'm, I don't know, I just won't I think, but it was really fun, we did it whole time when I was there, but then I got sick after two days and almost died (and I'm still little bit sick after a week!) But still we went to watch ocean, two times and it was awesome! God, I just love ocean....I wish I would live closer to it. We watched some horror movies, played cart and games, then I saw one of my friend, my old roommate and it was nice. And then my sister and her girlfriend did me a little early birthday suprise! They told me to close my eyes when we left one of the ABC and they took me to movie theater and I could open my eyes only then when we were sitting in our seats and I didn't know what movie it was but it was HORROR MOVIE! And I love horror movies, and it was my first time watching horror movie at the movie theater, the movie was the gallows, it was good (not like I got some traumas, but good) I think if I watched it at home, I wouldn't  liked it but at the theatre, it was very good.

oh, oh and btw, I'm sad (very sad) that I couldn't go to watch Jeremy Renner's new movie, Mission Impossible, but I got the poster for free! Yay!

 

After that, I haven't done anything....or anything important, had sleptover with my best friend and had meeting with my psychologist which was terrible, ABSOLYTELY TERRIFYING, I don't want to go there anymore...It makes me feel more horrible than usual...and I don't know how I feel anymore, I'm just numb and it's so terrifying...I want to feel something, I'm going crazy....Sorry about this, this end is just angst and ugh...I don't know where else to tell my feelings anymore, so sorry....but I will go to watch Walking Dead and numb my brains...so bye!

(I put some pictures from my phone)

~Here comes the darkness It's eating on my soul
  Now that the spark has Run out of control
  This fire is raging, I can't find the door
   I just want to die here on my own